Bah Humbug!

Not much festive spirit around here as the Grope bid for No 1 was foiled again this year (cf previous post). Can't understand why Have a Bratz-tastic Bob the Builder Christmas wasn't flying off the shelves. Somebody even had the cheek say it was 'cynically cashing in on the spirit of Christmas'. Well, if it's good enough for Roy Wood, it's good enough for me. Needless to say your truly was not best pleased and took to his bed for the duration. Roll on New Year - not!

Oh what a Knight

It's always tense Chez Grope around this time of year as the New Year's Honours list day approaches. I mean, look at the motley crew we've got representing the music biz: a plump fairy, a serial womaniser, an Irish scruff, a scouse brown-noser and a perma-tanned god-botherer. No wonder old Blairie picked them, they remind him of his cabinet.

So I'm thinking that Sir Vernon has got to be favourite this year. It seems that a few of the old Good Works don't go amiss so I've upped the profile in that department. The Vernon Grope Home for the Bewildered has opened its doors to anyone in the music biz who has fallen on hard times. Needless to say, we had to weed out a few chancers from day one namely David Soul, that bloke from the Pogues with no teeth and most of the Bay City Rollers.

As you know, keeping these charitable gaffs going costs a packet, so send your donations to VG Homes Box 909 Geneva CH11223 who, after deduction of appropriate management fees, will ensure your money is put to good use.

I hope you're reading this Your Majesty.

Don't they know it's Christmastide?

You wouldn't think it thanks to Sir Bob and that bog trotter sidekick of his. Yours truly turned up to Band Aid 20 recording to do his bit and was told in no uncertain terms that his contribution was not required. Apparently they preferred that long-haired poser from the Darkness because he had more 'target audience identity' - whatever that means. In my humble anyone can hit the high notes wearing trousers that tight.

Anyway, after being escorted to the street by a couple of Geldof's minions, I repaired to the local musos boozer with the groupies. Now there's another thing, I reckon they're getting past it. All they do is sit in the corner with bottles of mineral water saying things like 'Is it me, or is it hot in here?'. Not very rock and roll, is it? I do have my reputation to think of. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of Jagger's book and start running some sort of youth opportunity programme.

The season of goodwill has managed to bypass the Grope household as well. My mum vetoed the Yueltide lighting extravaganza I had planned for the outside of the house. For some unaccountable reason, she was not keen on the flashing statue of Jordan dressed as Mrs Santa I had commissioned from my mate Damien. As you can imagine, it cost me a bundle on account of extraordinary number of lights required to project the right, um, image. Well, I tell you something, the old lavender bath salts gift pack will not be nestling under the tree this year.

Vernon's Rehab Programme

So having read about Clapton's good works out in the Caribbean, I'm thinking this is a good way to get some cash flowing into the old VG coffers. As I understand it, he flogs a guitar and then stuffs the dosh into this Crossroads programme and Bob's your uncle - there's a load of Yanks with noses full of chemicals paying top dollar to be cleaned up. Neat, eh?

I had a go at getting rid of one of my treasured axes - Sooty. I went on that eBay place and went through all the yada yada. And then blow me, I discover that no-one wants a 1965 Watkins Rapier with a custom day glo finish! I didn't get a single bid. Bunch of saddos. You wouldn't credit it, would you?

So, a bit of rethink is required as I can only manage a small centre in my mum's beach hut near Clacton. It occurs that all this new-age, touchy feelie nonsense gets the old tree-huggers going. Now they're not short of a bob or two normally, what with the 4x4s in NW3 and the Guardian Reader's Offer of 12 bottles of organic plonk from some horny-handed fils of the French soil, so I reckon that's my target market. There's a chick of my acquaintance out Surrey way who does a bit of that malarky. Maybe she'll pitch in for few bottles of the old Argentinian chardonnay - who knows?
I think I'll call it T-Junction - that's pretty original innit?

Reunion concert in 2005??

There is constant rumour in the media about a reunion concert in 2005 despite most of the original line-up's intense dislike of each other. Personally, I'm up for it because I could do with the fees to bolster my off-shore pension fund. El Magnifico's poetry hasn't been going too well either lately so he's relying on his part-time job in the offal factory (make THAT rhyme - you Iberian poser). Snakey Pete's disappeared to somewhere in the eastern hinterlands with his guitar collection. He was last seen singing backing vocals in a unisex stylists' quartet - oh how the mighty have fallen! As for the rest of the wasters, well your guess is as good as mine. Plus ca change, plus c-est la meme chose as my old dad used to say (now THERE'S a francophile ponce if ever I met one).

Mind you, this reunion gig would give the new album a bit of a boost so I think I might have a go at getting everyone together. I need to step on it a bit though as since my old mum's turfed me out of the spare bedroom, I'm somewhat peripatetic - if you get my drift. Some bollocks about feng shui - I must stop her watching all those makeover programmes on UK Shite. Why can't she stick to looking after me and going dog racing? Still, that's female empowerment for you.

Any way, must dash, there's only 5 shoplifting days to Xmas.

Vernon Grope and Buffalo Lounge - A History

The Early Years

The Buffalo Lounge story began in the 1971 in North London. Originally known as Smiley Road, the fledgling studio was home to a group of itinerant musicians and poets known collectively as Broom Cupboard led by the legendary Vernon Grope.
It was here that the cult Bedroom Tapes were recorded. Many of the master tapes were lost or overwritten by Vernon's mum when she used them for one of the first answering machines.
Some of have survived like You've Got a Friend, but most like Tower of Burning Toothbrushes, have stood neither the test of time nor taste.

The Golden Earhole

Like many studios in the mid-70's, Smiley Road moved to the countryside and fell under the influence of the Spanish arriviste poet El Magnifico. It was the iberian rhymer who coined the new name of the studio - Buffalo Lounge.

This would prove to be the golden era, producing scores of new output. Most of it went to Vernon's mum but the jewels have remained and form the main part of the CD 30 Years of Buffalo Lounge.
Two of the stand-out tracks are by the now defunct Prism, a three piece formed out of the unseemly demise of Broom Cupboard. It was this unlikely combo that made Unplugged not only a watchword but in their case, desirable.

Into the new Millennium


Due to musical and geographical differences, the Buffalo Lounge artistes have met only rarely over the past decade.
However, the studio was host to respected actor Ron Edmunds who chose the facility to record his latest set of begging show tapes.
Latterly, new technology has arrived to herald a new era of recording challenges - often thwarted by Vernon's mum surfing the internet during takes.