Oh what a Knight

It's always tense Chez Grope around this time of year as the New Year's Honours list day approaches. I mean, look at the motley crew we've got representing the music biz: a plump fairy, a serial womaniser, an Irish scruff, a scouse brown-noser and a perma-tanned god-botherer. No wonder old Blairie picked them, they remind him of his cabinet.

So I'm thinking that Sir Vernon has got to be favourite this year. It seems that a few of the old Good Works don't go amiss so I've upped the profile in that department. The Vernon Grope Home for the Bewildered has opened its doors to anyone in the music biz who has fallen on hard times. Needless to say, we had to weed out a few chancers from day one namely David Soul, that bloke from the Pogues with no teeth and most of the Bay City Rollers.

As you know, keeping these charitable gaffs going costs a packet, so send your donations to VG Homes Box 909 Geneva CH11223 who, after deduction of appropriate management fees, will ensure your money is put to good use.

I hope you're reading this Your Majesty.