As you can imagine the Grope mailbox has been groaning with messages from my massive fan base thirsty for more info about yours truly's spiritual conversion and , of course, my beloved - Gloria.
First off, Gloria Goodbody is not her real name as she changed it early in her modelling career from Tamara Goodbody for obvious reasons. At the peak of her career she was the Face of Lard 1978 until the product she was endorsing began to take its toll. Several years and a few stone later, she was at a low ebb. When I first met her, she was a wringer-out for a one-armed window cleaner who only did bungalows. Penury and RSI beckoned.
We continued to meet from time to time at various glittering occasions but it was only latterly that we forged a deeper relationship. Last year, I was on the road to Perdition, which is a small village just outside Bootle, when she convinced me that there was a better way. The rest is history and after a whirlwind romance, I popped the question. Those of you who read the more basic newspapers will have seen photographs of the ring which I managed to secure from a local branch of CASH NOW! at a favourable price on a 'no wedding, no pay' basis.
Naturally, being linked with a mega-star such as myself has its drawbacks but Gloria's inner spirituality and considerable bulk is more than a match for anything that the redtops can throw at her.
My only problem now is how to break all this to Quentin who is blissfully unware of current developments on account of the fact that he is sunning himself on a tiny island off Greece with his hair gel consultant.
Pax Vobiscum
1 comment:
Oh, that explains everything. I was wondering where the hell you were. Now I can understand completely. Interesting parallel between finding God and pledging oneself to a corpulent has been. I kind of like that. I'd ask you if you are fucking nuts but that would be a bit like asking the pope if he were a member of the Nazi youth. Both answers would start with "Yes, but..."
I await further developments in this saga.
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