The news that most of the middle-management of M&S Glasgow is on smack, comes as no surprise to yours truly. I thought all jocks were on something. I mean, have you heard them speak? Whenever that Alex Ferguson's on the goggle box, you might as well be listening to Klingon.
There's probably hordes of drugged up scotch marketing executives heading over the border at this very moment, intent on thieving their way across the country to feed their interior design habit. No wonder the government's given us all the green light to set about intruders with a well-oiled cricket bat. Well, I can tell you that security will be upped Chez Grope. I've got my mum out in the garden at the moment on sentry duty as we speak and I'm giving the old sports bag an airing. If all else fails, I'll read them some of El Magnifico's poems - that'll sort them out.
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