Smells like white spirit

So I am in the Capo and Plectrum having a quiet libation with one of my 'associates' when the mobile start ringing off the hook. It's Quentin from the PR company all wet and giggly because he's had an idea (about time). Can I rush over to the agency now for a meet? Now I wasn't best pleased at this intrusion but as a responsible media star, I have do it.

So I pitch up at the agency to find two more Quentins with identical Hoxton fins in a similar state of high excitement. They finally manage to tell me what the BIG IDEA is - a range of Grope fragrances. Now, I'm no stranger to the Lifebuoy but I strikes me that this is one step too far given your truly's macho image. Anyway, they start talking numbers and suddenly I'm interested. Apparently, they can make this jollop for peanuts and then knock it out for 30 quid or more! There's more twittering and then they start waving lots of little smelly sticks about. Now I wasn't exactly at the back of the queue when they were handing the hooters out [note to readers over the pond: before you get any ideas, this means nose over here] so I find my olfactory functions quite keen despite having shoved most substances up it over the years.

So they're banging on about notes and I'm sniffing away like Clapton in the '70s but none of it captures the essence of Grope. So I say this and there's a bout of group huffing from the Quentins. I gently point out that there needs to be less citrus and ylang ylang and more Jack Daniels and Marlboro Lights. There was this massive silence, the meeting was closed and I was back in the boozer 5 minutes later. Result!