Viggo Mortensen reveals secret inspiration...

I suppose it had to come out eventually. Ever since Johnny Depp confessed that he used Keith Richards as the model for his part as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, the meejah has been curious to know where heart-throb Viggo gets his ideas. Well, I can be silent no longer and reveal that it is yours truly. If you think about it (and squint your eyes really hard) the resemblance between Aragorn and Vernon Grope on the 1974 Broom Cupboard Comes Out tour is uncanny.

As you can imagine me and Viggy are like that, although he pretends not to know me but that's just to throw the tabloids off the scent. I've already sent him a treatment for a new LOTR film - Lord of the Rings IV - Rockin' all over Middle-Earth with me in the role of his handsome older brother Oregano. It doesn't have all that Gandalf and the 7 Dwarfs stuff in it, just a lusty tale of two rock-meisters travelling through Middle-Earth high on weed with loads of chicks playing monster riffs wherever they go. I'll be booking my table at the Oscars, I can tell you.